I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
