Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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