ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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