it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
