I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
