My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
