I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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