I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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