Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
