So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
