I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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