You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
