Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
