can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I met the friendliest cop last night
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
