I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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