it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
