Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
