if you like me you must not know who I am
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
