you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Bring me that man meat
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
