I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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