dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
