Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
