I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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