i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
