Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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