Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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