I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
