i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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