my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
