He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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