Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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