i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
