guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
