I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
