you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
