On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
