11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
