So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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