omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
