last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
