drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Randomize
