You made me cry and you don't even care
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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