I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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