i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
