I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
