he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
