U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
