i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
