Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
