Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
