RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
