Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
