If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
