you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
