a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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