Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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